This morning at approximately 9:00 AM central time a large sphere of unnatural light was spotted over Eastern Kansas. A rift opened in the cloud cover and several shafts of what can only be described as some sort of "beams" penetrated the cloud cover to brighten the eastern horizon.
Witnesses are terrified. Over a thousand people are sworn testament to the spectacle, and all are dead convinced of what they saw. Shortly after the phenomenon local authorities, including police, fire departments, and military installations were flooded with phone calls from concerned citizens.
"We are convinced at this time that what people saw this morning was nothing more than the result of mass hysteria," reported one Pentagon spokesman. "People get in their minds that there is a UFO, and they will indeed see one."
But how can so many witnesses be wrong?
Some are calling it the sign of Armageddon, others are convinced that aliens from another planet will take them away in a spiritual liberation.
Whatever the case may be, there is no question in this reporter's mind that the huge ball of energy which temporarily lit up the Kansas sky today WAS real.
Because, my friends, I saw it myself.
Yes, call me a crazy, but I DID SEE IT!!! What I at first took to be a weather balloon or perhaps Aurora Borealis was not. No. If only it could be that simple.
When I called the Forbes Field, the Airforce base in Topeka, to see if perhaps they were testing a new plane today, they informed me that the light I was seeing was actually called a "sun." Supposedly we have had one of these "suns" for some time.
Upon further questioning, I learned that this "sun" is actually a huge ball of billions of hydrogen explosions a second.
If only it could have been a weather balloon...
Friends, I see it as my responsibility to inform, nay, to warn you and all your loved ones about this incumbent tragedy! The government has constructed a weapon of mass destruction so devastating and huge they had to build it in space and blot out their work with perpetual cloud cover.
The end is nigh, but not from extra-terrestrials, or from the battle between heaven and hell - but from our own government. And their super weapon... the "sun."
Goodbye, and good luck.