Hello, Mr. Narrator!

I'm here to tell you a story today, children.

Yay!  What story?

This is a story about a duck, children.  A silly, funny duck named Stuben, children.

Hooray!  We like ducks!

I know you do, children.  That's why I chose this special story, children.

Tell us the fucking story, Mr. Narrator!

Ok, children.  Here it is:
 

ONCE upon a time there lived a silly, funny duck named Stuben.
Stuben lived in the Lincoln Bedroom of the White House so that he could more easily control the United States government.
Anyone who defied this silly, funny duck named Stuben met his or her fate from his

SUPRA ELECTRO DEATH RAY FROM HELL 3000 (pat. pend.)

Stuben enjoyed running the free world and destroying the oppressed world with his

FANTASMO DYNAMO WHAMMO KABLAMMO FLUFFY WUFFY NUCLEAR INTRA CONTINENTO BALLISTICO MISSILES.

One day, as he was shooting ethnic minorities on the White House lawn in front of CNN cameras, he noticed his aim was off.  Instead of evaporating the Jew who was tied to the execution post, he evaporated a Serb who was slated for that afternoon.

Stuben realized his vision must have been going.  His father had needed glasses, but never got them since ducks don't wear glasses.  Stuben decided he would be special, as ruling the earth wasn't hacking it anymore.

He moved closer to the mass of minorities, using his

SUPRA ELECTRO DEATH RAY FROM HELL 3000 (pat. pend.)

To slaughter Krauts and Mics and Spics and rednecks and Niggers...

Excuse us- Mr. Narrator?

Yes, what is it, children?

Our mommy says that not liking people because they're different is wrong.

Your mommy is the one who is wrong, children.  Everyone who is different from you should be killed, children.  That's the moral of the story, children.

Mr. Narrator, what's a moral?

A moral is when we learn to hate others, children.  Now let's get back to the story, children.

Yay!

Now, where was I, children?

Slaughtering Spics and Niggers, Mr. Narrator.

Ah, yes, thank you, children.
 

So anyways, Stuben packed a leather bag with tattoos on it and went to the dentist.
The dentist was shocked.  Then Stuben took off the electrodes and asked for a pair of glasses.
"I fix teeth," said the dentist.
"I don't have teeth," said Stuben, who then cut off the dentist's left thumb.
"And I don't have any glasses," said the dentist.
"How do you see so well?" asked Stuben as he cut off the dentist's right thumb.
"I have contact lenses," said the dentist.
"Stop raping me," said the dental hygienist.
Stuben stopped raping her and cut off both her thumbs.
"Thank you," said the dental hygienist.
"What are contact lenses?" asked Stuben.
"Little lenses attached to my eyes that make me see better," said the dentist.
Stuben used one of those little teeth scraping hook things and hooked it into the dentist's left testicle and pulled and pulled and pulled.
"Gracious," said the dentist.
"Give me your eyes," said Stuben.
"I don't think you understand," said the dentist.  "The lenses do come off, and you can have them."
"I want your eyes," said Stuben, who then gouged out the dentist's eyes.  He swallowed them up, quick-as-you-like.
"Heavens," said the dentist.
Stuben then decided he didn't like not having teeth.
"Give me your teeth," said Stuben.
"They don't come out," said the dentist.
"Fuck all Brazilians!!!" shrieked Stuben as he grabbed the dental drill.
"I'm from Wala-W..."
"VWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE," went the dental drill.
Out came most of the dentist's teeth, which Stuben swallowed.
"Shucks!" screamed the dentist at the top of his lungs.
So Stuben went back to the White House, his aim much improved, and finally able to chew through bones, thanks to the generosity of the dentist.
The dentist went into organized crime, and is now known as Bobby "No Thumbs, No Eyes, One Nut, Some Teeth" McGee.
The dental hygienist gave birth to a baby and a duckling nine months later, both of which were black, and therefore evaporated by Stuben's

SUPRA ELECTRO DEATH RAY FROM HELL 3000 (pat. pend.).

The End.
 

How did you like the story, children?
We loved it, Mr. Narrator.
Good, children.  Eat your poison, children.
Ok, Mr. Narrator. <munch munch munch> We're sleepy, Mr. Narrator.
Goodnight, children.