Rob’s Haiku 
Yeah, I know Paul did 'em first.  Well, fuck him!  Here are mine whether he likes it or not.  Oh, wait.  He does like it.  Well, fuck ‘im anyway!!!

Go Ahead
Go ahead and shoot
The world will be better off
Without scum like you.

Pretty butterfly
Floating serenely through space
Raid its sory ass.

Butterfly II
Pretty butterfly
I see you on the flower
Splat! with the paper.

Butterfly III
Pretty butterfly
I see you on the counter
Pretty sportspage.

Butterfly IV
Angry buterfly!
Lusts for blood and not nectar
Vengeance is at hand!!!

I bought some candy
And tainted it with Decon.
Here, little children...

Feet upon the desk
Take them off or suffer my
Horrible, swift wrath.
(For Katherine)

Yo!  Yous scuffed my sneaks!
Step up, foo!  I’ll bust a cap
In yo sorry ass!

Police Brutality
Cops are beating me
Their clubs' blunt pain on my head
I can see through time...

Police Brutality II
I am being clubbed
How can this be?  I am not
Even a black man...

Police Brutality III
As I start to retch
It is then I start to think
No more pixie dust.

Police Brutality IV
The beating is done
Put the camera down and
Help me, you fucker!

Postag stamps make me
At one with the universe
Thirty-two cent bliss.

I shot a robber
Heard him coming a mile away
He wore courderoy.

Bible-thumping bitch
Quote me scripture again, I’ll
Thump you - with my car.
(For Carrie)

Sieg Heil
Nazi piece of shit
Think you’re better than others?
Heil my gun, asshole.

Two more fucking points
My duo would have broken
Fucking judge screwed us.
(For disgruntled Forensians everywhere)

Fwuffy Bunny
Fwuffy Bunny Boo
You came into mygarden
Fwuffy fur mittens.
(For animal rights activists everywhere.)

I will rape your ass
I wish you were a woman
But I’m not picky.

I saw your boat sink
Your face was so beautiful
As it gasped for air

You should feel honored
I let you spend time with me
You lucky devil.

I have a big scab
Scritch, scratch, pick - this is is real fun
Aw, shit, I’m bleeding.

You laugh at my face
And choke to death on your food
I have the last laugh.

Silly pubic hairs
What exactly are you for?
More than dental floss?

The world will suffer
For the pain that is my life.
Yes, the world shall pay.

You’re Not So Special
I don’t hate you more
Than any other person
I just hate you all.

You silly squirrel
You run across the highway
Steel belted demise.

Haikus were cute things
Till I twisted them into
Something unholy.

Beep Beep
You deserve to die!
Cut off my car in traffic
I cut off your head.

Pretty pentagram
Containing Hell’s dark spirits
They’re at my command.

Psycho Analysis
I’m Freud’s worst nightmare
Try to analyze my mind
And you’ll be sorry.

Let’s have a debate.
I would like to pick your brain
I brought my ice pick.

Assassin Jr.
I will teach my kids
The ways of the assassin
My wife will be pissed.
(For Katherine again)

Assassin Jr. II
As their skills improve
Thje objections will subside
My wife will be dead.
(Sorry, honey)

Orgy Porgy
A bloody orgy
Hard-core, perverse, depraved acts
No holes have been barred.

Kindercare is gone
Yeah twenty pounds of plastique
Will do things like that.

Kinderboom II
Kindercare is gone
A tricycle fell to earth
Twelve miles away.

Great Meal
The neighbors are here.
Where is your Great Dane?  Let’s talk.
Here, have some meatloaf.

Fry Small Fry
Children, tiny tots
Tender and juicy, go well
With Tater Tots.

I wish I were dead
I would shoot myself but can’t
Afford the bullet.

I wish I were dead
Come here and shoot me, fucker!
So you’ll suffer too.

I wish I were dead
All mankind can die with me
I hate all of us

Eat a burrito
You look so stupid with beans
Squirting down your shirt.

Kill Me
Bang me in the head
Send my brains into orbit
With nine-millie rounds

Kill You
Bang you in the head
Send your brains into orbit
There, I feel better.

Hang in There
The noose grows tighter
As I step off the platform
Now, eternity.

Rivers flow deeper
My veins coarsing new channels
My warm crimson tides.

back home