“The secret to success is being numb to the world,” says Dr Gray. “All the negative affects of society will seem to wash away with my new book, Whiskey Makes Everything Better. I try to teach people that whiskey is the key to unlocking their mind.”
Dr. Gray went on to quote some lines from his latest book; “In life, there are many challenges. Now how we deal with these challenges is completely up to us. We can meet them head on, we can run and hide, or we can simply pop the cork and get shitty.”
“Some people we meet in our day to day routines are a problem for us. How do we deal with them? We wash them away, with whiskey, of course. Even the most stubborn person can be scrubbed, like bugs, from the windshields of our lives.”
“In my previous title, Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus, I tried to teach people the secret of dealing with members of the opposite sex. Now I am concerned with teaching people to deal with… themselves. What most people must realize is that they need whiskey to solve their problems. Only after whiskey can one find truly lasting inner peace.”
Some critics are accusing Dr. Gray of promoting alcoholism as a solution to life’s problems. Many other professionals in the field believe that Gray’s solution is an easy escape, but not a real answer.
Not so, say the dedicated followers of the book. “Before I read Whiskey…, I was an uptight Mormon librarian from Utah. Now I have not only abandoned God, who was never really there for me anyways, but I have finally found my calling. I am now a successful prostitute and single mother of nine living in Reno, Nevada. Without the help of Dr. Gray, I might still be teaching children to read!” says Judith Conner, sixty-seven.
Dr. John Gray will be touring the U.S. to promote his book beginning this March. Is this the end of the line for is books?
“Of course not, no!,” exclaimed Gray. “I’m already working on another title, Marijuana Cures Glaucoma and Stress, and my publisher has a first draft of my next book, Aryans are From Heaven, Jews are from Hell. This will be a very exciting year!”
It certainly will, doc!