Rob Messes With a Young Mind
This was an interesting chat I had on Yahoo! Pager.  Just thought it was typical me.
Read if you have a moment to contemplate my stability.

princess_tarah98:  what do you mean?
robio_dante: what do YOU mean, what do I mean?
princess_tarah98:  I'm listening
robio_dante: ah, a wise young lady
princess_tarah98:  Thank you
robio_dante: Well, for just 19.95, you too can be the proud owner of a
complete set of seashells!
robio_dante: But not just any seashells...
princess_tarah98:  why would I want seashells??
robio_dante: these shells will put you ON THE BEACH!!!
princess_tarah98:  Explain
robio_dante: Utilizing space aged technology, we have actually captured
the sound, in fact, the very essence of the sea in each shell!
robio_dante: Simply hold one to your ear, and be amazed as the gentle
tide is heard!
robio_dante: You'll swear the ocean is lapping at your very feet!
princess_tarah98:  You have an obsession with seashells
robio_dante: No, I have an obsession with Sarah Michelle Geller, but
that's another story.
princess_tarah98:  I've never heard of her
robio_dante: *gasp*!!!
robio_dante: Just a little show called "Buffy the Vampire Slayer?"
robio_dante: Wow!
robio_dante: I thought I had a good deal!
princess_tarah98:  Oh I've seen that
robio_dante: Apparently, this young lady is offering me free nude pix!
robio_dante: Wow, you can't beat that!
princess_tarah98:  Well you won't get any from me I'm afraid
robio_dante: Aw, shit!
robio_dante: They want a credit card number!
robio_dante: Free my ass...
princess_tarah98:  I am shy
robio_dante: hehe
robio_dante: I am shy as well.
princess_tarah98:  I wouldn't ahve thought so
robio_dante: Ever since everyone saw me in that Playgirl expose, I am
just so timid...
robio_dante: Oh, wait, that wasn't me...but still, you see how one
could be scarred.
robio_dante: Agreed?
princess_tarah98:  maybe
robio_dante: Ok then.
robio_dante: By the way, a/l?
robio_dante: I'm going out on a limb and assuming yer a female...
princess_tarah98:  20 in USA
princess_tarah98:  Of course I am, you are a guy right?
robio_dante: hang on...
robio_dante: um...
robio_dante: Yep!  Wow, that was a relief.
robio_dante: Otherwise I wore a cup in football for nothing.
princess_tarah98:  I wore those breast plates
robio_dante: Yeah, I've had a few dates with those.
robio_dante: "Hey baby (tink).  Ow!  What the hell are you wearing???"
robio_dante: "Steel?  Really?"
princess_tarah98:  Track pants
robio_dante: I hated track pants.
princess_tarah98:  I like em
robio_dante: I liked to shoot waterbaloons out of them though.
robio_dante: Like giant rubberbands.
robio_dante: Course, noting beats a good SEASHELL!!!
princess_tarah98:  or a giant rubberband
robio_dante: indeed
robio_dante: Where in USA be ye?
princess_tarah98:  LA
robio_dante: Oh, dude, sorry...
princess_tarah98:  for what?
robio_dante: Being in LA.
robio_dante: So, so sorry...
robio_dante: What did you do?
princess_tarah98:  when?
robio_dante: Well, see, no one moves to LA - they are cast.
robio_dante: So I figure you did something prety bad.
princess_tarah98:  I'm visiting someone here
robio_dante: BTW, what is Troll Burge?
robio_dante: Ah.
princess_tarah98:  ??
robio_dante: In that room - slave auction.
robio_dante: It said that troll burge is cheap.
robio_dante: Thought you might know wot it is.
princess_tarah98:  I thought I'd take a look - no harm in that!
robio_dante: What kind of room is it, anyways?
robio_dante: I have a house full of slaves, and none of the auctions
were like that.
princess_tarah98:  I'm not sure
princess_tarah98:  So you are a master, not a slave?
robio_dante: Actually, I just stopped by a Kindercare with some burlap
robio_dante: Cheaper that way.
robio_dante: And damn, them kids can clean a house!
princess_tarah98:  You're lucky I've got a sense of humour!
robio_dante: You wouldn't have kept PMing me this long had you not.
princess_tarah98:  you're probably right
robio_dante: All right then.
robio_dante: What kind of sense of humor you got?
robio_dante: Dark, sarcastic, hostile?
princess_tarah98:  A darn good one
robio_dante: Well, good then.
princess_tarah98:  dark
robio_dante: Ooh, kinky...
robio_dante: I only like knock-knock jokes.
princess_tarah98:  I was just looking in slave auction
robio_dante: Yeah, uh-huh.
robio_dante: And Hitler was just shooting a really grand scale snuff
princess_tarah98:  Columbine was a show and tell gone wrong!
robio_dante: Ooh, a woman after me own heart!!!
princess_tarah98:  lol
robio_dante: "Today I brought my AR15 Colt urban assault rifle..."
princess_tarah98:  I've got a ladysmith
robio_dante: "Very good Timmy.  Why don't you show the class how it
robio_dante: Was ist das?
robio_dante: "Ladysmith?"
princess_tarah98:  ??
robio_dante: Guh?
robio_dante: Wot is a ladysmith?
princess_tarah98:  ladies revolver - Smith & Wesson
robio_dante: *drool*
robio_dante: I have a rusty spork...
robio_dante: But oh boy is it ever jagged...
robio_dante: Killed many a Jehova's Witness with that bad boy.
princess_tarah98:  Why were you in slave auction then??
robio_dante: "Excuse me, sir, but may I interest you in
robio_dante: What?  Me?
robio_dante: I had no idea what it was.
princess_tarah98:  oh sure
robio_dante: Actually, I followed you from some other chat, cuz I was
robio_dante: Bored, rather.
princess_tarah98:  No slaves available
princess_tarah98:  ??
robio_dante: Honestly, I can't decide - I think it was bondage porno.
robio_dante: Yes?
robio_dante: It's the best I can figure.
robio_dante: Either that or the NAACP is slipping.
princess_tarah98:  I see
robio_dante: I see as well.
robio_dante: So we both see.
robio_dante: And all is well.
robio_dante: I think I need a shave.
robio_dante: I've been idly sanding a board with my chin for an hour.
princess_tarah98:  I don't I hope
robio_dante: Mmmm...
robio_dante: Smooth is a good way for a chick to be.
princess_tarah98:  I agree
robio_dante: Then you don't have that pesky "hair at the back of the
throat that not even God could dislodge" problem.
robio_dante: Oops, time to flip the record.
robio_dante: That's better.
robio_dante: Hello, still with me?
robio_dante: Hum-dee-dum.
robio_dante: Well, if that's how you're gonna be, I'll sit around and
take it.
robio_dante: Doo-de-doo.
robio_dante: And if I were you, I would not pass up this golden
robio_dante: Remember, with each set of shells you purchase, I will
throw in a complimentary state of Kansas Jell-O mold!!!
princess_tarah98:  No shells for me thanks
robio_dante: Oh, there you are.
robio_dante: Began to think I scared you off.
princess_tarah98:  here I am
robio_dante: I guess I can call off the PIs, huh?
robio_dante: Where'd ya run off ta?
robio_dante: Girl stuff?
robio_dante: Eww...
princess_tarah98:  make some coffee
robio_dante: Nevermind if that's what it was.
princess_tarah98:  you wish
robio_dante: Oh, good.
robio_dante: Well, no, I don't.
robio_dante: Maybe if it was KINKY girl stuff.
robio_dante: But not icky poo girl stuff.
princess_tarah98:  I had to return to my bottle
robio_dante: Bottle of wot?
princess_tarah98:  I'm a genie
robio_dante: Ah.
robio_dante: Neato.
robio_dante: I knew a genie once.
robio_dante: Big guy.
robio_dante: Nice, too.
robio_dante: Name was Bernard Olstein.
robio_dante: Fairly personable for a Jew...
princess_tarah98:  really?
robio_dante: Yep.
robio_dante: Know him?
princess_tarah98:  Not as sexy as me?
robio_dante: Hardly.
robio_dante: Nor me.
robio_dante: If I do say so.
princess_tarah98:  no I haven't had the pleasure
robio_dante: Aw, too bad.
robio_dante: I think he had a drinking problem though.
robio_dante: Kept talking about "bottle this, and bottle that."
robio_dante: Once I found him passed out in a bottle of Belvedere with
a stupid grin on his face.
princess_tarah98:  You'd like my bottle
robio_dante: Really?
robio_dante: y?
robio_dante: Don't know if I'd fit.
robio_dante: I'm not smoke-enhanced like you.
princess_tarah98:  inside?
robio_dante: No, over it.
robio_dante: Yes, inside!
princess_tarah98:  Oh its real cool inside
robio_dante: Really?
princess_tarah98:  Well I'm not blonde
robio_dante: Oh, that's ok, neither was Bernard.
princess_tarah98:  good then
robio_dante: Ok.
robio_dante: Why is it so cool inside.
robio_dante: ?
princess_tarah98:  well I like it.  I like to be tiny
robio_dante: Can't relate.
robio_dante: I like to be big.
princess_tarah98:  no matter
robio_dante: *wink-wink, nudge-nudge*
robio_dante: Why do you like to be tiny?
princess_tarah98:  Too hard to get in my bottle!
robio_dante: Ah.
robio_dante: Silly me.
princess_tarah98:  silly you
robio_dante: How did I know you would say that?
princess_tarah98:  you are psychic
robio_dante: No, the doctors said I'm ok as long as I take my
princess_tarah98:  glad to hear it
robio_dante: Oh, psyCHIC!
robio_dante: My bad.
robio_dante: Yes, i am that.
robio_dante: By the way, nice shirt.
princess_tarah98:  what shirt
robio_dante: The one you are going to wear tomorrow.
robio_dante: See?
princess_tarah98:  I haven't decided
robio_dante: Ha, well, there's a psychic for ya.
robio_dante: You will wear...the, one.
princess_tarah98:  I don't have a blue shirt
princess_tarah98:  bad guess
robio_dante: Oh.
robio_dante: No, I just need to adjust my tint.
princess_tarah98:  adjust my tit?
robio_dante: Well, ok.
robio_dante: *adjust adjust*
robio_dante: Ah, much clearer.
robio_dante: Aw, shit, time to flip the LP again.  Hang on.
princess_tarah98:  LP - god how old are you?
robio_dante: 20!!!  Jesus Christ, I just like records!
princess_tarah98:  You must be real weirtd - I'm surprised you know
what an LP is
robio_dante: Weird???
robio_dante: Well.
robio_dante: I have never been called that before.
robio_dante: Oh, wait...all those girls...
princess_tarah98:  No ones into LP's anymore
robio_dante: But aside from that...
robio_dante: Oh, I love 'em.
robio_dante: Especially for classical and oldies.
robio_dante: Korn and Limp Bizkit stay on CDs...
robio_dante: Brams and Bach stay on LPs.
princess_tarah98:  I think I should end this chat
robio_dante: Y?
robio_dante: ???!!!
princess_tarah98:  Maybe you should chat with my mom
robio_dante: Hey!
robio_dante: Cut me some fuckin' slack!
robio_dante: I just like all music.
princess_tarah98:  Maybe that was too harsh - sorry
robio_dante: I am in a somber, reflective mood.
robio_dante: So I am listening to La Boheme.
robio_dante: Tomorrow I will isten to Rammstein or 311.
robio_dante: Whatever.
robio_dante: But LPs sound like you're there!  So classic and retro.
princess_tarah98:  I couldn't name one classical piece
robio_dante: But enough about music...wot piece?
robio_dante: Oh, COULDN'T...
robio_dante: Ah.
robio_dante: Well, let's change the subject then.
robio_dante: Tell me more about adjusting your tit?
princess_tarah98:  Wait _ I know the Water music by Handel
robio_dante: Well, that's a step.
princess_tarah98:  I'm not a total airhead
robio_dante: Uh-huh.
robio_dante: Subject ends now.
robio_dante: No mo music.
princess_tarah98:  which one?
robio_dante: Music.
robio_dante: Which one you think I meant?
princess_tarah98:  no comment
robio_dante: Ah.
robio_dante: Silly.
princess_tarah98:  !!!
robio_dante: !!! yourself.
robio_dante: So, come to troll slave chats often?
robio_dante: Or are you a virgin troll slave chatter?
princess_tarah98:  not lately.   Genie chat for me- that's my fantasy!
robio_dante: Ah.
princess_tarah98:  I guess so
robio_dante: My fantasy is me stranded on a desert island with no one
else but Bob Saget and a sniper rifle.
princess_tarah98:  You are a funny guy
robio_dante: Oh, and S.M. Geller, of course.
robio_dante: Remember, you can't spell Sarah Michelle without S & M.
robio_dante: Thankee.
robio_dante: BTW
robio_dante: Unless you were being sarcastic.
robio_dante: And then you may burn in hades.
princess_tarah98:  no
robio_dante: No wot?
robio_dante: Yes!
princess_tarah98:  No I wasn't sarcastic
robio_dante: Ah, thankee.
robio_dante: I am most of the time, so it's hard to tell...
robio_dante: Let's get down to brass tacks.
robio_dante: They're down low, under the carpet.
robio_dante: If I may, my dear, you have very cute grammar.
princess_tarah98:  thanks
robio_dante: Almost flawless, esp for a chat.
princess_tarah98:  I did ok in english
princess_tarah98:  in high school
robio_dante: You have no idea how much it turns me on to see a girl who
dots her i's and crosses her t's.
robio_dante: And uncrosses her legs.
robio_dante: Wait, did I type that?
princess_tarah98:  Mine are crossed thanks
robio_dante: You're very welcome.
robio_dante: Any time, lass.
robio_dante: Now you owe me a favor.
princess_tarah98:  why is that?
robio_dante: Well, you thanked me.
robio_dante: In return for my services, I request your first born son.
princess_tarah98:  I'm not having any kids
robio_dante: Right, I'm getting yours.
robio_dante: Then we're agreed?
princess_tarah98:  I've got no maternal instincts
robio_dante: I'll sell you some.
princess_tarah98:  You keep them
robio_dante: Yes, that's right, for only 19.95, you too can be the
proud owner of a complete set of maternal instincts!
princess_tarah98:  You can sell me nothing
robio_dante: Including nurturing, caring, sympathy, empathy, and many
robio_dante: Order now and recieve, as our gift to you, a free copy of
modern parenting magazine!
robio_dante: Teach your children the facts of life, and how gypsies are
the scourge of the earth, as well as safety tips for baby-proofing your
robio_dante: I will sell you nothing?
princess_tarah98:  I hate talking about kids (seriously). sorry
robio_dante: Oh, sorry.
robio_dante: May I ask why?
robio_dante: Besides the odor?
princess_tarah98:  no
robio_dante: Ok.
robio_dante: Let's talk about something else then.
robio_dante: Like, um, let's see...
princess_tarah98:  It's a not go there thing for me
robio_dante: I see.
robio_dante: I am the same way about clams.
robio_dante: Seriously, ask anyone.
robio_dante: But on a lighter note, I blew up a city bus the other day.
robio_dante: It was silly.
princess_tarah98:  burn your lips on the exhaust?
robio_dante: Yeah, pretty bad.
princess_tarah98:  agreed
robio_dante: I sound like the elephant man now.
robio_dante: "Yessh, I'ld like to owrder a pissshha, pluhesssh."
robio_dante: But I can still kiss like a dream.
robio_dante: You know, a really bad dream.
princess_tarah98:  Hey why does every guy in chat want to talk dirty.
Your'e the exception. you talk crazy stuff
robio_dante: Oh, sorry.
robio_dante: If you want me to talk dirty...
robio_dante: Oh, baby...
robio_dante: I'm covered, head to toe, in dripping mud.
princess_tarah98:  wait for it
princess_tarah98:  for real
robio_dante: Uh, oh, ah, you're so greasy and filthy.
robio_dante: Wait for what?
princess_tarah98:  never mind
robio_dante: no, wot?
robio_dante: ah, THAT?
robio_dante: ?
robio_dante: Hewwo?
robio_dante: More girl stuff, eh?
princess_tarah98:  hello yourself
robio_dante: I can wait.
robio_dante: Oh, there you be.
robio_dante: Thought you ran screaming into the hills.
robio_dante: And i don't talk crazy stuff!
princess_tarah98:  you sure do
princess_tarah98:  I never met anyone like you before
robio_dante: This is crazy stuff - "Rotten bastard, gonna show
'im...gonna figure it out, figure it out..."
robio_dante: "Button tha chicken, button tha chicken"
robio_dante: THAT'S crazy stuff.
robio_dante: And thankee, I've never met anyone like me either.
robio_dante: You shoulda been with me earlier.
robio_dante: No one was in a room, well, they were all in PM heaven.
princess_tarah98:  In slave auction?
robio_dante: No...
robio_dante: So I chatted with myself for a good ten minutes.
princess_tarah98:  Be your own slave
robio_dante: Yasa boss.
robio_dante: I be slavin' ta myself.
princess_tarah98:  Yeah I'm looking for a master!
robio_dante: Go fetch my coach!
robio_dante: I'm your master now!!!
princess_tarah98:  You wish
princess_tarah98:  I might not want you to be
robio_dante: You're a genie, grant my wish!
robio_dante: lol
princess_tarah98:  what do you wish for?
robio_dante: You just said.
robio_dante: I need a good slave with adjustable tits.
princess_tarah98:  Mine are not worth adjusting
robio_dante: Really?
robio_dante: Can't be worse than my friend's ex.
robio_dante: Or the human bench, as we call her.
princess_tarah98:  what was wrong with her?
robio_dante: She makes plywood look busty.
robio_dante: Nipple on bone.
princess_tarah98:  yech
robio_dante: Agreed.
robio_dante: But she wasn't as bad as one of my exes.
robio_dante: She looked like a Picasso.
princess_tarah98:  been married?
robio_dante: Um, I'm 20.  No.
robio_dante: U?
princess_tarah98:  no way
robio_dante: Kewl.
robio_dante: Besides, not many women would have me.
robio_dante: This conversation?
princess_tarah98:  why is that?
robio_dante: Typical date.
princess_tarah98:  You got my attention
robio_dante: Well, you were a random target.
robio_dante: Like Kennedy or King.
robio_dante: You're luck.
robio_dante: Your, rather.
robio_dante: Ah, Korn.
robio_dante: So angry.
princess_tarah98:  me?
robio_dante: No.  Music.
robio_dante: Very hostile.
robio_dante: What time be it there?
princess_tarah98:  too dam early
robio_dante: Ditto.
robio_dante: But at least I am in good company.
robio_dante: Yes?
robio_dante: "What has it got in its pocketses?"
robio_dante: "gollum, gollum."
princess_tarah98:  tolkien quote?
robio_dante: Ooh, I am impressed.
robio_dante: Yes, indeed.
princess_tarah98:  with me?
robio_dante: So she doesn't listen to music, but she CAN read.
robio_dante: That's good.
princess_tarah98:  Course I can read.  That's why I'm good at english!
robio_dante: I like my slaves to read.
robio_dante: Let's see...
robio_dante: um...
princess_tarah98:  I like fantasy stuff
robio_dante: "I love toads"
princess_tarah98:  I do not
robio_dante: Don't know that quote?
princess_tarah98:  no
robio_dante: Black cauldron.
robio_dante: Only thing I remember out of it.
robio_dante: Ever read it?
princess_tarah98:  not that I remember
robio_dante: Can I ask you a question?
robio_dante: *subject change*
princess_tarah98:  I guess so
robio_dante: Ok.  Why you stuck around so long?
princess_tarah98:  I'm not doing anything else!
robio_dante: Oh, well, thank you.
robio_dante: I'm flattered, really.
robio_dante: I mean, gee, to think you could be putting sharp sticks in
your eye, but you decided to chat with me.
princess_tarah98:  Well you chatted to me.  Most males just want to
talk dirty and I can't be bothered
robio_dante: Can't be bothered by what?
princess_tarah98:  Talking dirty to people.  One guy started a chat
before by asking me to describe my pussy (would you believe?)
robio_dante: Gee, I thought once you'd seen one...
robio_dante: They are really rather generic, after all.
princess_tarah98:  I duuno - I haven't looked at any except mine
princess_tarah98:  I guess so
robio_dante: But shows what kind of people are online.
princess_tarah98:  some stupid ones
robio_dante: If you forget what genetalia looks like, and have to
robio_dante: You need to get offline and get a fucking date.
princess_tarah98:  I suppose they get off on it
robio_dante: I spose.
robio_dante: On the same token, what do you expect?
robio_dante: I mean, YOU are the one going into adult chats.
princess_tarah98:  I don;t really know.  That was just a look.  Half
those 'women' are probably guys anyway
robio_dante: What are you hoping to find in them?  A lit major looking
to start a meaningful relationship with someone who enjoys a good wine
and the opera.
robio_dante: Yeah, no shit.  Um...
princess_tarah98:  are you asking me or is this rhetorical?
robio_dante: You ARE a girl, right>
robio_dante: ?
robio_dante: More sarcastic than rhetorical.
princess_tarah98:  Last time I looked, ......yes
robio_dante: ok then
robio_dante: But as I was saying, if you go there, you can expect
nothing less.
robio_dante: It's like going to Alaska and being shocket at always
being cold.
princess_tarah98:  I guess so.  But you get the same thing in general
robio_dante: Ah, touche, you do.
robio_dante: "Welcome to AIDS patiend chat"
robio_dante: "Hey, baby, wanna cyber?"
robio_dante: "What???"
robio_dante: "C'mon, I know you got that disease by being easy.  Gimme
some sugar."
robio_dante: ignoreignoreignoreignoreignore
robio_dante: You can't get away from the pervs.
princess_tarah98:  i will
princess_tarah98:  So you don't consider yourself one?
robio_dante: How?
robio_dante: Well, that's different.
robio_dante: I'm not perverted, that's just creative flirting.
robio_dante: Really.
robio_dante: My friends consider me perverted, though.
robio_dante: It's probably the hat.
princess_tarah98:  Mine don't
robio_dante: They don't consider me perverted?  That's nice.
princess_tarah98:  No me
robio_dante: I no you very well.
robio_dante: But maybe you should get to no yourself.
robio_dante: Ya no?
princess_tarah98:  I'm not perverted.  i've got a girlfriend who's a
nympho though
princess_tarah98:  yes
robio_dante: Oh, wow.
robio_dante: Introduce me.
princess_tarah98:  She'll sleep with anyone
princess_tarah98:  white
robio_dante: I'm a psycho, we should make a good couple.
robio_dante: Is she white?
robio_dante: ?
princess_tarah98:  sorry - deleted your last message
robio_dante: Is she white?
princess_tarah98:  yes
robio_dante: Ah, flaming racist, eh?
princess_tarah98:  who me?
robio_dante: her
princess_tarah98:  Just her choice
robio_dante: Ah.
robio_dante: What's yers?
princess_tarah98:  I prefer white males
robio_dante: Me too.
robio_dante: Wait!!!
robio_dante: Um, white females...yes...
robio_dante: But I myself am half Korean and half black.
princess_tarah98:  really?
robio_dante: Not at all.
robio_dante: But you had a weird picture of me for a sec, didn't cha?
princess_tarah98:  no I thought it was a gag
robio_dante: rats
robio_dante: I must be slipping
robio_dante: So.
princess_tarah98:  I just sneezed on the screen - don't you hate that?
robio_dante: I never have, so I don't know.
robio_dante: I pissed on a car once, that sucked, so I guess I know
what you mean.
princess_tarah98:  not quite the same
robio_dante: Oh.
robio_dante: Never mind then.
robio_dante: What about coming all over clean sheets?
robio_dante: Does that count?
princess_tarah98:  No ones made me cum!
robio_dante: Ever?
princess_tarah98:  I might be a virgin
robio_dante: U might.
robio_dante: Easy enought to find out.
robio_dante: Ru?
princess_tarah98:  no
robio_dante: So there.