Rules For Dating
FOR Guys in the Nuthouse

1) First off, if you are lucky enough to be in the Nuthouse and have a significant other, you are exceedingly fortunate.  Don’t knock it.

2) Don’t put up with bitches.  If she isn’t faithful, or is dumb enough to think that computers eat pretzels, you’re better off without her.  Don't be so scared of being alone that you put up with someone else’s shit.

3) Remember that in order to stay with you, a member of the opposite sex has to have patience and tolerance out the ass.  Don’t take this for granted!  Your girlfriend will put up with a lot, but there are limits to everyone’s patience.

4) Remember that no one on earth is worth giving up your personality for.  You are who you are, and anyone who asks you to change should curl up and die.

5) If you write for the Nuthouse, you are homely.  Remember this when setting your standards for dates.

6) Your significant other is your friend, and a good friend.  Maybe even your best friend.  But remember that they are still your girlfriend, not one of the guys.  What this means is that jokes that the guys are in on are not always appropriate.  This also means that clever nick names like “Bitch,” “Fag,” “Pussy,” and “Cock-knocker” may not be suitable.

7) Your girlfriend is boss.  You are not.  DO NOT forget this.

8) If you don’t want your girlfriend to hang out with the guys and you at the same time, DON’T invite her.  It’s bad form to have her come and then ignore her while you pretend to ass-ram Nick.  It’s even worse when you ass-ram Nick for real.

9) Don’t dismiss your friends for a woman.  If they are really your friends, you’ll always make sure they aren’t forgotten.

10) You are not cool enough to be a player.  Remember this and act accordingly when trying to get together with a girl.  Pick-up lines and wearing sunglasses at night cannot be pulled off by one such as yourself.

11) Date whomever is to your liking. But keep in mind that you should be with this person, not be stuck with this person.
If you have a problem with her or anything else, let her know.  She will help you out, and if she doesn’t, she’s not worth the time.

12) Again, no PDA.  Everyone knows you have a girlfriend, you don’t need to show her off.

13) No woman is worth giving up ciggs for.

Questions, comments, complaints?  See Robb.