Ways Sex is Like Football

When you break down the terminology of football on the Freudian level, it becomes clear what this sport of colliding bodies, sweat, and physical exertion is really all about.

Live coverage – amateur video
Out of bounds – no means no
Post game interview – “Was it good for you?”
Locker room interview – locker room talk
Bench warmer – ugly person
Field goal – quickie
Squeeze – internal massage
Tight end – nice ass
Beer – beer
Touchdown – orgasm
Steroids – Viagra
End zone – anal sex
Pig skin – animal skin condom.
Protective padding – condom
Pre-game show – strip tease, foreplay
Halftime – cigarette break
Quarterback – penis
Gatoraid – contraceptive
Tackle – rape
Dog pile – unwholesome activities
Coach – dominatrix
Huddle – gang bang
False start – premature ejaculation
Pass interference – diaphragm
Fumble – missing
Incomplete pass – pulling out
Interference – third party walking in, really good video on VH1
Draft picks – prostitutes
Coin toss – head or tail
Face mask pull – fellatio
Band number – mood music
Cheerleaders – fetish
Cleats – kinky
Yardage gain – deep thrust
First down – popping cherry
Victory dance – victory dance
Pom-poms – boobies!
Crowd – roommates
“I’m going to Disney World!” – “I’m going out for some ice.”
Second-string player – “we’re-on-a-break” pussy
Offensive tackle – father