101 Reasons Why We Think Robb Has Fallen Off the Face of the Planet

101 Reasons Why We Think
Robb Has Fallen Off the Face of the Planet

1. He's a dick.
2. Working on the Great American Novel.
3. Made a New Year's resolution to lose weight and get in shape, only to lose so much weight, he actually floated off the face of the planet.
4. Unfortunate encounter with a voodoo witch doctor.
5. One word - "Deliverance."
6. Satan finally called in the marker for selling his soul.
7. Buried under the 10-yard line at Giants Stadium.
8. Completely pussy-whipped by Nuthouse-hating girlfriend.
9. Take a look at the jack of diamonds in the "America's Most Wanted" card deck.
10. Currently only answering to the name "Papa Chango."
11. He's a dick.
12. Goons. Hired goons.
13. Too much time with his close personal friends Jack and Mary Jane.
14. Has replaced us with the Insane Asylum, made up of Greg, Shawn, Saul, and Rick.
15. Sold into white slavery.
16. Sits around, wallowing in depression because his friends never call or write.
17. Finally fulfilled that lifelong dream of being "Roberta."
18. Disappeared after an unfortunate Vegas vacation with Katie "Tire Iron" Malloy.
19. Hiding in the shadows behind us, muttering quietly to himself.
20. Encounter with a Slayer that ended with a stake through his heart.
21. He's a dick.
22. Ended up on the wrong side of the camera during the making of a snuff film.
23. Two words - "Ohio Sniper."
24. Insulted a man with the name of "Ice Pick."
25. Now wrestles professionally as "Robbo el Diablo."
26. Currently under prosecution for writing as Danielle Steele,
27. Gone fishin'.
28. Recovering from a failed penile lengthening surgery.
29. Changed jobs to become a professional hamburgler.
30. Horribly scarred after a flambe presentation gone awry,
31. He's a dick.
32. Eaten by the alligators that live in the sewers.
33. Working too much... as a male prostitiute. Yes, that kind.
34. Now working as a stripper by the name of "Joe Hung".
35. Doing his best to protect the world from the monkeys that steal out underpants as we sleep.
36. Crushed to death after insulting the four-time Japanese sumo champion.
37. Convalescing in the hospital following the removal of two pints of "manly juices" from his stomach.
38. Head currently residing on a pole in South America; the rest of his body working its way through the miscellaneous colons of a tribe of man-eating pygmies.
39. Tragic mishap trying to retrieve a lost hat from a wood chipper.
40. Arrested for public nudity; now the proud bitch of Bubba "Granny-Whacker" De La Tour.
41. He's a dick.
42. Cryogenically frozen to be revived at such a time as drugs are legal and sex droids plentiful.
43. Attempting to view every last piece of pornography on the Internet.
44. Insists on lurking in the sewers beneath the Paris Opera House and being referred to as the Phantom of the Robb-pera.
45. Hasn't been the same since the cancellation of Saved By the Bell: the New Class.
46. Beaten to death attempting to sell Pop Rocks as crack.
47. Shanghai'd by pirates. ARRRR!
48. Spontaneous combustion brought about by one too many bouts of "personal time" without proper lubrication.
49. Sent to play in the cornfield.
50. Rocketed into space by his parents in an effort to save their race.
51. He's a dick.
52. Raided the Lost Ark and melted.
53. He took the red pill.
54. He chose... poorly.
55. Down the rabbit hole, through the looking glass, and off with his head.
56. Took a wrong left turn near Alberquerque.
57. Insulted General Lee. Or the General Lee... either way, not a bright idea in the South.
58. A little song, a little dance, a little ammo down his pants.
59. Ran off to join the Royal Ballet, but was denied due to weak ankles... just like his wrists.
60. Burned as a witch.
61. He's a dick.
62. Swallowed by a whale.
63. Two more words- enraged lesbians.
64. Local girlfriend [insert name here] found out about other local girlfriend [insert name here] because of long-distance girlfriend [insert name here].
65. Lonely, vacuum cleaner- 'nuff said.
66. Traded the family cow for some magic beans.
67. In freak parallel to his childhood fears, he was sucked down the drain after a bath.
68. Was "disappeared" by the Tootsie Roll Co. after discovering the number of licks to the center of a Tootsie Pop.
69. Hiding from the U.S. Government in a small hole beneath an Iraqi farmer's throw rug.
70. Struck down by God for blasphemies too terrible to name. (he called God a pussy)
71. He's a dick.
72. Stuck in the past, leaping from person to person, righting wrongs- or, knowing Robb, wronging rights.
73. Reached for his wallet while being questioned by the NYPD.
74. Newest addition to the Body Farm (hey, now he's being a productive member of society)
75. Chose an inopportune moment to rock out with his cock out.
76. Did not check himself, thus wrecking himself.
77. Doing his best Waldo impersonation.
78. Sarah got her revenge.
79. Set his standards too low, and is currently wasting away from 37 different STDs.
80. Shook it like a Polaroid picture, and it fell off.
81. He's a dick.
82. Touched the monolith.
83. He is the weakest link... goodbye!
84. Has been completely inconsolable after Simon told him he was "absolute rubbish."
85. Found that the Wu-Tang Clan really ain't nuttin' ta fuck wit'.
86. Did a little dance, made a little love, got down tonight- a little too far down.
87. Searching for Bobby Fischer.
88. Buttoned the chicken and the chicken buttoned back.
89. Tried to speed up his morning routine by making toast in the shower.
90. Lost in translation.
91. He's a dick.
92. Apologizing to everyone for causing all that cancer.
93. New bassist for Guns 'n' Roses, and really, the album's coming out this year.
94. Blood alcohol level was such that he lit a cigarette and incinerated.
95. We're not sure, but we all got subpoena'd.
96. Banished to the Island of Misfit Toys.
97. Found that, yes, Jumpin' Jack Flash is a gas, gas, gas, but also one mean muthafucka.
98. Developed the ability to turn himself invisible. Last seen giggling the entrance to a women's locker room. Okay, fine- a men's locker room.
99. The seagulls took our Robb. Where did they take our Robb?
100. Insert your own pedophile-related mishap here.
101. He's a dick.