101 Reasons Why It's Not Cheating

1.  If you don't get caught.
2.  If it's in another state.
3.  If it's in another country.
4.  If it's in another zip code.
5.  If it's in a different area code.
6.  If it's in another house.
7.  If the phone number is different.
8.  If her hair color is different.
9.  If she's uglier.
10.  If she's fatter.
11.  If she's thinner.
12.  If she's prettier.
13.  If she's different major.
14.  If your friends like her better.
15.  If the sex is better.
16.  If you work with her.
17.  If you never see her again.
18.  If you don't know her last name.
19.  If you don't know her name, period.
20.  If your girlfriend's on her period.
21.  If there's no evidence.
22.  If you're drunk.
23.  If she's drunk.
24.  If you have nothing in common with your girlfriend.
25.  If you have nothing in common with your mistress.
26.  If she makes less money than you do.
27.  If she makes more money than you do.
28.  If spring is in the air.
29.  If you meet at a concert.
30.  If your girlfriend is depressive.
31.  If your girlfriend has a girlfriend too.
32.  If your girlfriend is still in high school.
33.  If your girlfriend is a pothead.
34.  If your girlfriend is part Japanese and part German.
35.  If your girlfriend doesn't know.
36.  If you're on a break.
37.  If your friends are cool with it.
38.  If she lets you smoke.
39.  If it's rape.
40.  If it's with her sister.
41.  If it's for video.
42.  If you get paid.
43.  If you pay.
44.  If it results in a promotion at work.
45.  If it is to promote one of your employees.
46.  If you don't remember.
47.  If she's under age.
48.  If it's only oral sex.
49.  If it's only anal sex.
50.  If it's a handjob.
51.  If she's famous.
52.  If you're imagining your girlfriend at the time.
53.  If she looks like your girlfriend.
54.  If you meet in a bar.
55.  If you meet at church.
56.  If it happens on a business trip.
57.  If you're having a fight.
58.  If you're bored at home.
59.  If your girlfriend's cheating on you.
60.  If the mistress is cheating on her boyfriend.
61.  If she steals something off your dresser in the morning.
62.  If she's gone when you wake up.
63.  If she never calls back.
64.  If you slip her a Roofie.
65.  If it's during the day.
66.  If it's a family friend.
67.  If it's a teacher.
68.  If it's a student.
69.  If it's to pass a class.
70.  If she's the attorney in your divorce settlement.
71.  If your wife's in labor.
72.  If the kid won't stop crying.
73.  If she's a different nationality.
74.  If it's your daughter's friend.
75.  If she dies shortly thereafter.
76.  If she doesn't speak English.
77.  If she's dying of cancer.
78.  If you're dying of cancer.
79.  If you're in self-denial that it ever happened.
80.  If you don't pass on any diseases to your girlfriend.
81.  If you use a condom.
82.  If you meet on the internet.
83.  If it's a sham relationship anyways.
84.  If she's not mentally stable.
85.  If you're in a band.
86.  If you don't really enjoy the sex.
87.  If you're high.
88.  If you've been fighting with your significant other.
89.  If it's revenge sex.
90.  If she's an ex.
91.  If a telephone psychic says it's ok.
92.  If it's your old high school crush.
93.  If it only happens once.
94.  If she picks you up.
95.  If you're a male member of the Nuthouse.
96.  If you're "finding yourself."
97.  If you're popular.
98.  If she's a virgin. (It's your duty, actually.)
99.  If she used to be a man.
100.  If she doesn't swallow.
101.  If she doesn't come.