The Gods of College Life

The Dorm God – This small god is prevalent in the lives of campus dwellers.  The Dorm God is very small
and often gripes about being cramped.  Worship of the Dorm God calls for a life without alcohol or drugs,
along with several other strict guidelines.  He is not very popular and most followers abandon the faith in a
year or two.

The Alcohol God – This god is worshipped by nearly every college student.  The Alcohol God’s days of
worship are Friday and Saturday night, although many devout followers can be found worshipping every
night of the week.  Unlike other gods, the Alcohol God is worshipped not in one particular place, but in
homes of all types, bars, and in some cases the dorms of unfaithful Dorm God followers.  Worship of the
Alcohol God calls for a sacrifice of driving.

The Alcohol Demons – Unlike the Alcohol God, the Alcohol Demons bring out the worst in people.
Followers tend to be obsessive fanatics, and become easily possessed by the Demons.  Affects of this
possession lead to shakiness, lightheadedness, public displays of idiocy, dizziness, giggles, nausea, usually
ending with worshipers kneeling before porcelain alters sacrificing Chinese food and nachos.

The Laundromat God – This god is worshipped in churches all over college towns.  Followers sacrifice great
quantities of silver to the Laundromat God and their faith is repaid by springtime fresh garments.

The Tobacco God – Due to fascist dictators in state government, the Tobacco God is worshipped in fewer
and fewer places, and is made inaccessible to children.  People found worshipping the Tobacco God in
public places are removed and mocked for their choice in deities.

The Caffeine Goddess – Worshipped by students that stay up late studying, and students who rise at dawn.
From her left teat flows cola beverages, and from her right teat flows citrus beverages.  And from the
heavenly fount betwixt her legs flows the bitter-sweet honey of coffee.

The Pot God – Hehehehehehehehehe.

The Mom and Dad Goddess and God – This god and goddess are easily conned by their two-faced
followers.  In order to keep followers in their grips, they hand out money, cars, free laundry (much to the
chagrin of the Laundromat God), and meals.