THE EVENING’S PRETTY MUCH OVER WHEN YOUR DATE... 

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...gives you  a lap dance - at the Olive Garden.
...throws her Ritalin out the window.
...seductively removes her dress, hose, and holster.
...asks if you have a friend for her other personalities.
...screams at the sight of a Bible.
...at any point tries to fly.
...washes her hands for the thirty-fifth time.
...moans another man’s name from the backseat - while
 you’re driving.
...stops by the asylum to pick up a “friend.”
...laughs during all the anti-Semitic scenes in Schindler’s List.
...tries to catch your pet goldfish in her teeth.
...has an orgasm before you’re ready. To take your clothes off.
...offers to pay for everything - even bail.
...insists on trying something “new” with a dachshund and a two
liter pop bottle.
...can’t keep her hands off you. And they’re really hairy,  ugly
hands, like the gross icky kind the Wolfman had. Yeah, that
really sucks.