You can have several cigarettes without being
exhausted.

You can smoke in front of kids without being arrested.

A good cigarette = $.15.  A good lay = $50. (Prices
and participation may vary.)

They don't want to talk when you're done.

When they're done they don't want more.

You can quit and people won't think you're gay.

They have their own section in restaurants.

You can always bum a cigarette from a perfect
stranger.

You smoke while driving and not get pulled over and/or
wreck.

When you're done, you can discard them with no
emotional baggage.

You can smoke after sex, but can't fuck after ciggs.

Cigarettes don't expect anything in return.

You can share your cigarettes with other people.

If the butt's too big you can tear it off.