TOP TEN THINGS
I WILL SOMEDAY SAY
TO MY CHILD THAT WILL
MAKE MY WIFE LEAVE ME

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10.  You call THAT a bong?  Where's my drill...?
9.  Your hamster died because you ate that cookie before dinner last week, remember?
8.  I didn't see nothin' if you didn't see nothin'.
7.  You let Billy beat you up?  What kind of pussy fag are you?
6.  I've told you a hundred times not to smoke!  Now you're going to sit here and smoke every single one of these cigarettes until you become an addict and die a painful death at the hands of cancer.  That'll teach you...
5.  That's big talk from someone who used to live in my scrotum.
4.  Your girlfriend's PREGNANT???  Where's my drill...?
3.  You can have your insulin back when you pass that math test.
2.  A small quirk of fate and a six pack was the difference between you being born and being soaked into a sock.
1.  Stop calling me dad!  You may have your mother's eyes, but you can bet you didn't get that complexion from *ME,* Jamaal.