32. You are at a friend’s house, and he shows you a videotape
of a female schoolmate
nude. Do you A) Tell him to turn off that smut.
B) Watch with rapt interest. C) Watch and
take notes. D) Ask him to make you a copy, which you in
turn copy and sell for a tidy profit.
E) Watch with interest, growing more and more obsessed with the
subject, and then begin to
stalk her, taping and photographing her every move and storing all
the data on ZIP drives for
your computer, cataloging them precisely until you have several hundred
gigs of pornographic
information on the poor girl, and then, one dark and stormy night,
break into her house, murder
her parents, trash her home, violently violate her, slash her throat
open with surgical
precision, have her body preserved, and set it up in your home, inviting
friends and relatives
to come see your trophy, and then send out all the data you’ve gathered
over the Internet to
everybody in the United States so the entire country can share your
joy until you are arrested
and put in jail for the rest of your miserable, perverted little life,
which will end painfully
when you trip in the shower, crack your skull open and die when your
brain flows out of your
head and slithers down the drain.
33. A friend asks you to join a cult. Do you
A) Say no politely and explain that it
violates your religious principles. B) Say maybe and ask
for more info. C) Say yes and ask
about a dental plan. D) Say yes, and ask about orgies,
“magic” mushrooms, and the summoning of
dark spirits. E) Say yes, then forcefully take over and
force everyone to do your evil bidding
until you grow rich and massively corrupt, drunk with power, working
your way up until you have
massive armies of believers in you as their god, and then incite a
revolution to gain control of
the planet, rule with a tyrannical iron hand, and eventually drive
the entire population into
such a massive state of oppression-induced depression that every human
being commits mass suicide,
leaving you alone on the planet for the rest of your existence.
34. You are in a store and notice a display of easily concealable
merchandise. Do you
A) Leave it alone, because stealing is wrong. B)
Take one and leave quietly and unobtrusively.
C) Take one for a friend, also, and see what else is shopliftable.
D) Steal it all, hold up
the clerk, starting on a life of crime that will lead to you adding
a menacing nickname to your
identity, and which will eventually end in a massive battle with the
authorities. E) Steal
everything, rob the store, and use all the pilfered material to build
a matter-antimatter bomb
which you will use as a threat to further your material wealth, only
to find later that you made
a critical error in design and that the bomb is going to explode of
its own volition, and that a
massive chain reaction will annihilate the entire Milky Way Galaxy,
and quite possibly the whole
universe, and there isn’t a damn thing you can do about it, and your
last thought will be:
“Guess I shoulda went with choice A.”
35. Your dog has a painful terminal illness. Do you
A) Do the humane thing and have
him euthanized. B) Decide to let him die on his own, so
you can cling to him for the last days
of his life. C) Attempt the euthanasia yourself, but bungle
it because although Fido’s sick,
he sure as hell ain’t dumb enough to stay under the tires of your pickup.
D) Sacrifice him to
your god, Felus, because you never really liked the dog much anyway,
and besides, your cat told
you to, and you never disobey Fluffy. E) Sink into
depression and kill yourself by putting
thirty aerosol cans in the microwave, causing an explosion that not
only decimates you and Fido
and Fluffy, but also causes a massive fire that sweeps uncontrollably
through the city, killing
hundreds of innocent people who never did anything wrong to you.
Hope you feel good about
yourself, selfish bastard.
36. A sibling takes one of your CDs without asking.
Do you A) Politely ask for it
back and request that he not do it again. B) Demand it
back, and later take one of theirs.
C) Smack him/her around a bit, take it back, and then steal some
of their CDs. D) Beat him/her
within an inch of his/her life, and melt all of his/her CDs and his/her
stereo with a Bic lighter.
E) Crucify the little bugger, dismember him/her, stick his/her
limbs on stakes in your front
yard, and smear his/her blood on the street as a warning.
37. You throw a party at your house. It lasts into
the wee hours of the morning, and
only one couple is still hanging around, becoming more and more inebriated.
You really want them
to leave. Do you A) Politely inform them that it’s
late, and they should probably be heading
home before their families get worried. B) Turn the music
off, clean up the messes, start
mopping up the puddles of booze, and hope they get the point.
C) Say, “Go home. Now.”
D) Drop subtle hints: “Dammit, if you don’t march your
asses right the hell out of my house,
NOW, I’m gonna beat the shit out of you with a fireplace poker,” or
“Leave now, or I will do
everything in my power to make sure your sorry carcasses burn eternally
in hell.” E) Remember
that magical word: “Murder.” Shoot them and bury their
corpses in the neighbor’s back yard.
38. There are some really rude people sitting in front of
you in the theater. They
have not shut up since the previews showed. Do you A)
Ask them politely to have consideration,
knowing in your naive little way that they will, because everybody
has respect for their fellow
man. B) Say, “Shut up, or I’ll get you booted outta the
theater faster than you can say “Two
thumbs up.” C) Sit there and take it, and concoct brilliant
plans of revenge involving large
blunt objects. D) Accidentally spill your Megawhopper Super
Sized Mondo Gulp drink all over
them, smack their damp heads, laugh, and find another seat. E)
Remember that magical word:
“Murder.” Strangle them with your shoe laces, steal their wallets,
and set their bodies on fire after the movie is over.
39. You are stuck behind some typically insane woman driver,
who (as if things aren’t
bad enough right there) is 76 years old and is going approximately
15mph in a 30 zone. Passing
is not allowed on this particular street, and would be impossible anyway
because of the constant
stream of oncoming traffic. Needless to say, this is irritating.
Do you A) Deal with it like a
mature person, hell, it’s only 15 lousy mph. You’ll get over
it. B) Beep your horn briefly and
make little waving gestures indicating your wish that she’d speed up.
C) Creep up till you’re
three inches from her car, smiling like a maniac, push continually
on the horn as you lean out
the window and threaten her. D) Speed up, swerve onto the
sidewalk, get alongside her and push
her violently into the oncoming traffic, and zoom up to fifty just
because you can as you blink
your lights and honk your horn triumphantly. E) Remember
that magical word: “Murder.” Pull
alongside her, whip out your double barrel shotgun, blow her pathetic
head to pieces, nudge the
uncontrolled car into oncoming traffic, and toss a grenade through
her window as you flee,
cackling like a psychopath.
40. You’re enjoying a nice dinner in a posh restaurant with
your girlfriend, when some
6’6" blonde haired, blue eyed Aryan ideal ”makes eyes” at her.
She blushes, but doesn’t look
away. Do you A) Go on eating, secure in the knowledge that
you’re the only one for her.
B)Bring up some mindless chit-chat to monopolize her attention &
confront her in a mature manner
at a more appropriate time. C) Debate whether to “confront”
the chump now, but ultimately
decide to passionately kiss your girlfriend instead of making a scene.
D) Leave your table,
charge across the restaurant like an enraged bull, stand at his table,
and demand an apology,
stopping short of actually beating his face, because such Neolithic
behavior is beneath you.
E) Hurl your plate at his face, take your steak knife in one
hand, whip out your Beretta 9
milli, storm up to the freak as he bleeds onto his dinner, blow away
his party, slit his throat
with the knife (ignoring the screams and pleading of your girlfriend),
gouge his eyes out and
shove them down his pants, screaming, ”STARE AT THAT, ASSHOLE!”
Then begin picking off other
males in the restaurant because they were jealous, and then eat the
prick’s blood-spattered
dinner as you tightly hold your girlfriend on your lap because she’s
your only grip on reality,
not to mention the only convenient shield between you and the SWAT
team.