I often find myself questioning religion.  Not on purpose, it’s just something my curious
nature makes me do.
 I’m an Anglican Catholic by tradition, but on a whole I cannot accept organized
religion as a worthwhile thing.  Look at what I see for a little while.  I see a bunch of
hypocritical, conceited, holier-than-thou A-1 pricks intent on running the world.  And I’m
sorry, but I don’t think God’s going to be impressed by a few hundred bickering, arguing
religions.
 I do believe in God, but also believe that He’s going to be satisfied with me as
long as I try my best to be a good person and not hack Him off any.  And frankly, I feel
closer to God in a forest or at a nice clean river than I do in a church, and I’ve been in
some damn fine churches.  Doesn’t it seem to you that God would rather have us
appreciating and admiring what He created than building something trivial for him?
 When did religion become such a major competition?  The entire point of
huge-ass grand cathedrals is to say “Ooh, looky at us, we’re bigger and brighter!  We
must be the one true religion!”  But it does seem to me that it’s almost a challenge
between religions to convert and save as many people as they can, without letting them
go to another religion.  I want to see a church with an ad like Charter Hospital - “If you
don’t get eternal salvation at our church, please, get eternal salvation somewhere.
 But even with my beliefs as they are, I love to raise controversy.  So here goes.
The Telephone Theory.  That religion is the world’s first, best, and longest ongoing
game of telephone.  Yeah, I think it would be incredible to find out that five thousand
year ago some guy leaned over to his friend and said “Hey, you know what?  God
exists.”  And it went on from there.
 Or religion could have been just a normal, practical joke that caught on.  It came
in a kit.  “Fool your friends and family.  Be the first kid on our block to launch a world
religion that will lead and inspire billions for generations.  Astound your co.-workers as
you become the life of the party with Ajax Brand’s Religion Belief Building Kit number
nine.  Includes everything shown, batteries not included, water not pre-blessed.  Only
$19.95!!!”  I can see little Jesus running down the street with his pennies clenched in his
little fist.
 People ask now “Where’s God?  Why is there so much bad stuff in the world if
there’s a God?”  Here’s a possibility.  The Earth Terrarium Theory.
It’s like when a kid gets a new lizard.  At first, that lizard is the neatest thing in the world.
He carefully feeds and waters it every day, buys all the best lizard stuff for it, and takes
perfect care of it.  Parallels earth in the beginning.
 But after a while,  the kid gets bored with the lizard.  The lizard starves and dies
‘cause the kid forgot to take care of him.  It’s even worse if a new lizard comes.  The old
one’s as good as maggot fodder.
 What if earth was like God’s terrarium?  He plopped us on it, fawned over us for a
while, and then got bored.  I mean he doesn’t really talk to anybody anymore.  And when
was the last really major miracle that happened?  We’re running out of water here.
 Just for the record, I believe none of this.  I just threw it out there for digestion.
 Oh, and why aren’t your prayers answered?  I firmly believe it’s because God is
currently busy tying to shove California into the Pacific.