I want to be a teacher.  Third or fourth grade kids.
Oh, not so I could teach them wonderful new things or expand
their cute little horizons, but so I could fuck 'em up.
Teach them that life's a bitch that gives you a blow job and
then bites your dick off.  Teach 'em about all those fun
things I never learned about that might have kept me from
being so screwed up.
     Think of the fun one could have with a room full of
impressionable youths.  These are a few of the mind games
I'd like to play if I ever had the chance.

Turn all the desks toward the wall and teach class from
behind them.  "Turn around, ya little shit!"

Come to school in a dress to teach them about "alternate
lifestyles."

While tey're out at recess, take all the furniture and what
not from the room out, turn off the lights, lock the door,
and go home.

Electrify various things around the classroom, but switch
every week.  "Timmy, will you point to England on the
globe?"
"No, globe bring pain!"
"Okay, you don't have to touch it.  Now go write your name
on the board."  Anyone who says slate isn't a conductor
didn't see little Timmy fly across the room.

Put a huge floodlight behind my podium.

Select a child and just stare at him or her.

Build a sound system into each desk that you control from
your podium, and can only be heard by the student at that
desk.  "Billy..."
"What?"
"This is God, Billy!"
"What?!!"
"I know what you did, Billy.  I come for your soul tonight,
Billy."
"Aaah, I'm sorry, I'll never do it again!!!"
"Kneel, Billy!"
"Yes, Lord!"
"Billy!"
"Yes, Mr. McKinney?"
"Get back in your seat!"
"But..."
"But nothing -- I don't care if God Himself told you to get
out!"

Just spontaneously draw a gun on a child.

Measure the distance from my desk to the farthest out desk
and order a bullwhip of appropriate length.

Choose a kid at random to be the "good kid."  "Okay, ya
little pukes!  It's Jane's day to be good!  And you know
what happens to you all if Jane misbehave's, don't you?"

Disconnect the intercom, lock the students in, and leave the
room.

Make them stay in their seats during a fire drill.

The ultimate office -- sit the bad kid on a stone chair
under a hot lamp.  Seated before him is six Council Members
in a semi-circle, dressed in black robes & hoods, swaying as
mystical chants play in the background.