I think condoms are one of the few untapped commercial
resources in America. Sure, you've got yer ribbed,
lubricated, studded, flavored, colored, glow-in-the-dark,
you name it.
     And what's with some of these? Take studded condoms,
Who came up with these? Did some chick twenty years ago sit
on a pinecone and climax on the spot?
     G.I.T.D. condoms are just plain stupid. If you can't
find your dick in the dark with out its wearing a beacon,
chances are your partner won't stick around long enough for
you to bother with protection.
     One thing I'd like to see is a Dixie bathroom condom
dispenser. A little box that holds a hundred condoms. Never
worry about tearing it when you open the wrapper.
     "Honey-let's go."
     "Okay, just let me grab some protection."
Ker-thwak, ka-chunk, eeeeearrr, ker-SNAP!
     "All ready, let's go!"
     And there'd be six designs to choose from-seashell,
autumn twilight, checkered, Seasame Street, marbled, or the
kind with riddles printed on them.
     And how about gag condoms?  Like one lined with Icy Hot
on the inside?  Like strapping on a rubber before a blow
job?  Super hot cinnamon condoms!  A laugh riot!
     Women have reusable, doctor-prescribed contrceptives
called diaphragms.  Why can't condoms be like that?
     "Oh my God, Hon, that was great!  Let's talk about it."
     "Just a second.  I wanna go pop Old Blue into the
dishwasher."