Watching other people eat tacos

Limos broken down by the side of the road

Fungi that infect peoples' lungs

Heavily armed women

Foreign films (And if I don't understand the language I want
subtitles -- fuck you)

Watching people trip

Disasters in California

Girls that send me flowers

Truly creative homicidal maniacs

Guys too embarrassed to buy porno the 7-11 if there are
other customers in the store

Chinese take-out boxes

Popping bubble wrap

Billboards with alcohol commercials

Guys with one continuous eyebrow that don't seem to notice
it

People that fall asleep standing up

Lawnmowers and vacuums with headlights

Infomercials for kitchen utensils and complicated fishing
lures

Kids that wear their scout uniforms to school

Depressed teenage boys that write bad poetry about their
unrequited loves

Singing telegrams

Kazoos

Doormats that say "Go Away"

Hookers that are so good they make you believe that they
really do love you 

Guys who say "Pardon my French when they swear"

People who don't cover their sneezes

Getting sweepstakes entries in the mail

Trashmen that come at three in the morning

Bassoon solos

Guys who think fishing is a sport

Women who look and sound like they've been smoking for fifty
years, whether they have or not

Old wives' tales and urban legends

Loud motorcycles

Fake furs

Pinky rings on grown men

People that eat food in grocery stores

Loud-mouthed feminists

People that insult New York City and New Jersey that have
never been

Christmas lights that look like jalepenos.

All gummi candy but the worms and bears

Child entertainers that try to stay cute even after their
voices change

Gold watches

People who won't abandon their homes until the flood
waters/forest fire/lava is on their porch.

The stuffed animals you can when at carnivals

Those "Be kind, please rewind" stickers on rental videos

Sporks

Conspiracy theorists

Girls that don't think they're overweight

Cinnamon flavored toothpicks

Weeds growing out of the cracks in sidewalks

That "new car smell"

Getting free coffee

Getting stock advice from guys who own no stock

The Mafia

Guys that are so homophobic they won't even buy Vaseline for
Plaster of Paris projects

Hearing that a celebrity I hate died of a drug overdose

People that live in empty missle silos

People with nicknames

Zippos

Finding parking meters with 2 1/2 hours left

The Yiddish language

Salvation Army bell ringers that can play songs

Drunks who piss in the back of squad cars