Obese People in Spandex
 I mean, c'mon!  Someone needs to tell these people that
they're elastic's worst nightmare!  Some people say that the
obese body is beautiful.  That's fine, but if some woman
with no chest and a man with a package like a pencil nestled
between two Raisenettes thinks that their attributes are
beautiful, and went around showing them off, they'd be in
jail!

Under Ten Dollars
 Okay, here's the way it is.  Something that costs $9.99
with tax still qualifies as under ten dollars.  That's the
limit.  Those pricks who advertise things as under ten
dollars that are actually $9.99 plus tax should be
casterated!  In fact, everyone knows that anything costing
over the ninety cent mark gets rounded to the nearest
dollar.  Do you buy something for $1.99?  No, it cost two
bucks!

Pork and Beans
 Goddamnit, that little cube of pork fat byproduct is
not pork!  I'm not even sure if it qualifies as meat.  When
the can says pork and beans, then I want a slab of tender
white piggy.

Guys With Perms
 The Bradys are dead or in jail, let their hairdos die
with them, guys!

Jell-O Molds
 If you ever come to one of my potlucks and bring a
store-bought Jell-O mold, you can just turn around and
leave.  If someone invites you to their house and spends
hours bending over hot coals to cook you expensive meat, the
least you can do is take the time to mix hot water and pink
powder.

Professional Wrestling
 Wrestling is the least violent sport on the planet.
Professional wrestlers would be great ballerinas.  Think
about it -- anyone adept and dextrous enough to fake a two
hour fight and not get hurt is pretty damn graceful!
Wrestlers are great athletes, and better actors.
 Well, damnit, I want blood!  Hurt someone or get off
the platform!

Spoiling Children
 The next worse thing to beating children is spoiling
them.  Nothing ruins and corrupts a future adult like having
its every little whim granted.  Spoiled children are brats,
and brats become pricks.  Do you like pricks? Then stop
giving candy to your kid when he cries, and take it from
other peoples' babies.

I Mean
 Mean people!  You bastards!  I'll kill you all!

Racists
 What the fuck?!  You think you're superior to someone
else?  Screw you!  The second you believe that, you cease to
be superior.

Turn Off or Turn It Off
 Okay, you lousy pricks!  Yeah, those of you who don't
realize that you've had your turn signal on for the last two
hundred miles.  They need to make a car that sends 10,000
volts through the steering wheel if your signal isn't off in
ten seconds.
 If you change lanes, you need your signal for all of
four seconds.  But someone always forgets to turn it back
off!  So I get stuck behind some idiot going thirty down the
interstate with his right turn signal on for three states.
There are possible turns every five feet, and innevitably
when I decide he's never going to turn, he slams on the
brakes and turns.

Political Correctness
 Political correctness was created to keep everybody in
the world from getting offended by what anyone else says.
It works great on paper, but then again, so did Communism.