GOD FOR SALE

     One thing I'm sick and fuckin' tired of is all the
religious memorabelia people feel obligated to thrust upon
me at every possible meeting.
     The T-shirts are pretty damn annoying.  "No Jesus, No
Peace.  Know Jesus, Know Peace."  Yeah, well, I do know
Jesus.  We play bridge every Friday.  And when He leaves, I
go shoot royalty to try to instigate a war.
     And although I'm Catholic, I still hate this
hipocritical act -- I don't agree with Satanist T-shirts,
but believe that people should have the right to wear them.
In schools and businesses, people aren't allowed to wear
clothing depicting Satan or his followings.  Why?  The
Christians can wear their holier than thou t's, but anything
with a pentagram is verboten.
     The new trend are these little bracelets that have the
initials "W.W.J.D.?" printed on them.  W.W.J.D?  When I
asked if it stood for "Who Wants Jack Daniels," I got glared
down.  Oh, it means "What Would Jesus do?"  Okay then.

(webmaster's note- actually, according to J. Alspaugh, it stands for
"We Want Jeremiah Dwane." But that's just his take)
     Well, I'll tell you waht He'd do.  He'd be pissed about
the fact that people are wearing reminders of Him and acting
like total little shits anyway.
     The next thing I've got a problem with are the icons
people cement all over cars.  The little fish are mildly
annoying.  The bumper stickers slightly more so.  Anyone
with statues glued on their dash deserves to be shot.
      First of all, it's just plain tacky.  I love to see
fuzzy dice hanging over the head of the Virgin Mary.  It's
so devout.
     Secondly, the leading cause of blindness in car
accidents is those little statues!  Swear!  How embarrassing
would that be?
     "Hiya, Bill?  Oooohh, how'd ya lose that eye, buddy?"
     "Saint Peter gouged it out!"
     Also notice that with many people, the more Dollar
Store Christian crap they have, the more hipocritical they
are.  They're almost innevitably racist, alcoholics, and/or
abusive.
     Poetic justice for me is a teenage prep going blind in
the eye that isn't mounted on Joseph's head 'cause he's
beating off in his "No Jesus, No Peace, Know Jesus, Know
Peace" T-shirt while looking at a naked picture of Eve in
the Bible while he uses his hand with the "W.W.J.D.?"
bracelet on to spank the monkey.  And what's so scary is
that someone out there's probably done that. 

ALL HAIL THE PROTON, NEUTRON, AND ELECTRON, AMEN

     I was in a theoligical debate with a friend recently.
Well, not so much a friend as one of those Bible-thumping
church-boys that thinks it's his personal mission to save
each of us soddomizing pagans from ourselves.  Y'know, a
prick.
     Now I am Catholic, and do believe in God.  But still, I
like to look at both ends of the spectrum.  When he flat out
said that God exsists, I asked him to prove it.  He took the
classic cop-out and said exactly this - "You can't see an
atom either, but do you question its existance?"  No.
     But if every science book I've had since the sixth
grade has mentioned God alone or God and atoms, then I
wouldn't ever question either, now, would I?  But open any
science book.  Hello, God?  Where are you?  Excuse me, Mr.
Atom, but have you seen the creator of the universe around
here somewhere?  No?  Well, thank you anyway.
     I also offered this thought - if someone came up to
this man and asked him to bow down and worship an atom, he'd
run screaming the other way.  But think about it - They say
God is everywhere.  Where?  I don't see Him?  But everyone
excepts that everything in the universe is made up of atoms.
They literally are everywhere.
     If God ceased to exist, would we?  I doubt it.  But if
atoms were to leave, kiss everything on this plane of
existance goodbye.  Atoms make up everything, and when they
are split, they make the most destructive force we've ever
known.  Sounds pretty god-like to me.
     So I say to anyone who would use that analogy to prove
faith - either shut the fuck up or worship atoms.