The Art of the Mosh
Y'gotta be careful when you mosh. Allow me to be a bit clearer- you
must know well what shows or at what time during a show you must mosh.
See, there's actually a system of etiquette to moshing.
Firstly, there's just some shows you don't mosh at. For instance, let's
take Yanni or John Tesh (where is another piece entirely). Okay, at one
of his (her?) shows, you'll acumulately a lot of aggression. The point
of moshing is to release this pent-up aggression. Don't try to get a
pit going at one of these shows. See, the music is a bit off, and you
be able to get the proper rhythm, even if the pit does get going. But
major reason is that of the old folks. They're old, and a bit slow, and
they've got some physical ailments. Because of this, they carry canes.
And they know how to use them quite well.
Okay, that was a joke. Obviously. But at some shows, you just look like
a punk (pun intended) should you start swinging. For instance, ska
Lots of ska and punk acts get booked together. Hence, the rudes and the
punks mix during the show. So, sometimes, rather often actually, the
want to mosh while all the rude boys and girls are attempting to dance,
skank, whatever. There's nothing like getting your groove on and then
a steel-toed Doc Marten nailing a shin, whilst leather-clad, spiky
punks slam into you from multiple directions. Tends to disrupt a show,
as does crowd surfing. So, DON'T MOSH AT A SKA SHOW. Just wait for the
punk act to take the stage, or if they were first, chill out and let
dance. You had your chance, now let others have theirs, 'kay?
And an unwritten rule is that of the first band. It's written in stone
(actually, in permanent marker on a bathroom stall, but let's not get
all right?) that you should not give any thought to the first band.
mosh, don't pogo, don't smile, don't do anything but clap and smile
(if that). Sure, it may throw their set off, make them depressed, cause
them to break up, and send them all into alcoholism- but you don't want
to get tired, do you? Where would you be if that happened? Most
flat on your ass, because you were so tired and weak, you got knocked
by a twelve-year-old with spiked hair, driven to the show by his mom.
And never, ever, mosh with anyone who looks bigger than you. They are
They will use their bigness to kick your ass. Also, straight-edgers can
kick your ass, as well. But how, Nick? They don't sem to be any bigger
or tougher than me. I thought that they were a bunch of people who
have frivolous sex and did no drugs. Well, that's true. That's also why
you will get hurt by them- because while you were out having a
downing a brew, or sparking up a bowl, they... weren't. You have
the temple (or the small Mormon tin tabernacle) that is your body.
on the other hand, are all hopped up on caffeine and have energy to go
for an entire set. You'll be lucky to make it through two songs.
So mosh responsibly, and use your head. Okay, don't use your head. That
would hurt. Use your fists and elbows like a normal person. Follow the
rules set forth here, and you'll be able to hurt others, whilst
basically unharmed yourself. Have fun.