It's a Conspiracy!
The Government is planning to abolish Kansas
and let Nebraska take over. Why? It is a well-known fact that Kansas
has been the center of controversy in America's history:
- The decision over letting voters choose whether or not Kansas should
be a free state or a slave state was a HUGE catalyst for the Civil War.
- Brown v. The Board of Education proved that seperate could never be
- In the late 1800's, the Kansas Republican Party challenged member's
the "Old Guard" of the GOP because they wanted reform. This lead to
Roosevelt eventually becoming President and a national progressive
that changed America forever.
- In 1897, the nation's leading Socalist Newspaper was written and
printed in Kansas. In this paper, Upton Sinclair's "The Jungle" was
first printed. For those of you who don't know, "The Jungle" is a book
about the horrible conditions of meat packing plants and, by
implication, American capitalism.
- During Prohibition all the nutballs who went around with hatchets
destroying bars...yup, that started in Kansas.
- The nation scorned Kansas when evolution wasn't to be taught in
- Hell, the state's motto is “Ad Astra Per Aspera” Latin for “To the
stars through difficulty”. Causing problems seems to be what we are
It isn't as if it is all our fault, since the mid 1800's the government
been building prisons in Kansas and shipping their trouble makers here,
they don't want to acknowledge that.
So, Kansas has been known to stir up trouble. With the actions of the
Government being protested all around the world, it finds itself under
pressure. One spark and things could explode (literally and
figuratively). Looking through history, which state has been known to
provide such a spark? Kansas.
So they want to get rid of us.
We now know the cause of the abolishment and that once Kansas is
abolished, the land has to belong to some state. But why Nebraska? Why
not Oklahoma, Colorado, or Missouri (shudder)? Missouri was the leading
candidate because they have been trying to take over Kansas for years.
They already stole
Kansas City. However, there isn't enough similarity between Kansas and
Missouri in the eyes of the average American non-Kansan resident.
Colorado wouldn't work because when people think of Colorado, they
think of mountains. Kansas doesn't have mountains. Oklahoma is out of
the picture because the average American remembers Oklahoma as "that
one state with the pan handle thingy." If Oklahoma was to get the
Kansas land, their pan handle would disappear and they would lose their
identity. Then the Indians would be pissed. Again.
Nebraska and Kansas, now there is a different story. There have been
case studies done that, when asked to write in the names of the states
on a blank map, 97.5% of highschoolers confuse Kansas and Nebraska.
Even those who live
in Kansas and Nebraska. So if people can't remember which is which in
first place, what is to stop one from disappearing entirely? Also, in
mind of most people, Kansas and Nebraska are both farming states and
their names have a similiar sound to them.
Nebraska wants all the Kansas land for a couple of reasons. The first
being that in 1903 in Dexter, Kansas, while drilling for oil, the
nations first helium supply was discovered. Forget oil my friends,
helium is going to take over as the natural resource of choice when it
comes to power the world of the future.
The second reason is that Nebraska is still miffed about the
Kansas-Nebraska act of 1854. This act made Kansas a seperate territory.
Nebraska feels like
that Kansas is rightfully their land and that President Pierce robbed
them. When the act also allowed the choice of free or slave state to
of Kansas (thus starting the Civil War), Nebraska was jealous of the
Kansas was getting. That was their attention that Kansas was getting.
then, Nebraska has always hated Kansas. This land should be theirs and
attention given Kansas should be attention given Nebraska.
The third reason is that, let's be honest, there is nothing to do in
Nebraska but obsess over Cornhusker sports. It is a religion up there
and, as with any good religion, they want to force(also known as
'converting', 'showing the light', and 'bringing salvation') the rest
of the world into being Cornhusker fans. With Kansas no longer
existing, there can't be a KU or K-State. They would just become part
of the University of Nebraska. This would help the Cornhuskers out in
football (because then they wouldn't have to play K-State in football,
thereby helping their ranking in the new "Big 10"), basketball (same
reason as above, only this time it is KU's basketball team), and in
number of fans, because with KU and K-State being gone, who are the
to root for? Mizzou? Don't make me punch you.
Also, Kansas has the world's biggest ball of twine. Nebraska
desperately needs a tourist attraction and those yokels can't think of
anything that anyone
would rather see than the worlds biggest ball of twine.
Now, in referencing back to Sean's post, this is where CNN and NASA
come in. Kansas won't exist and Nebraska will take over... but how does
the government tell people? Simple, gradually phase out Kansas.
First,since map companies get their information from NASA satellites,
NASA can inform them of the change. Map companies would bring this to
the attention of the American public, but
the government could easily increase regulations in the map industry,
would force the prices to rise to a point where the average consumer
be forced to buy government made maps only. So, in order to stay in
they must comply.
CNN has long been a tool for the government. Oh sure they preach
objectivity and such, but if you were crooked, wouldn't you? Now, the
government knows that CNN is a respected news site and that many people
log on and check
the news multiple times a day. By CNN showing maps with the new, 49
United States people will slowly become accustomed to the idea. Here's
the genius, most people don't know they are being accustomed to the
idea. Honestly, how many people out there noticed from the start that
'wrongly labeled'. Even after Sean's message it still took me a minute
notice what he was talking about, and I was looking for something
Maybe 50 years from now someone might say "Didn't there used to be a
Kansas?" The answer they will get will be something to the effect of "I
think so....it just kinda...went away." By that time it will be too
That is why I am saying we fight back! Don't let Kansas fade from the
of America. Don't sit still and watch Cornhusker Red slowly seep over
Crimson and Blue and Wildcat Purple! Let us keep our ball of twine!
Here's the plan! We launch a pre-emptive stike on Nebraska. I'm
chargin' all of you with a mission. Head north! If you seem something
with a Cornhusker logo, Smash it! If you see someone wearing Cornhusker
clothing, kill them! If you see a Mizzou fan, kill them (this has
nothing to do the the Nebraska take over, it's just a nice dream of
mine)! Don't let the government take away your identity as a Kansan
(hey, it is better than being a Nebraskite)! We shall fight and we
AD ASTRA PER ASPERA!!!!!!!!!