Dick and Jane Visit
A Popular Chain Restaurant

See Dick.
See Jane
See Applebee's.
See Dick and Jane sitting at their table making idle conversation.
Talk, Jane, talk!
Chat, Dick, chat!
See the waiter take their drink orders.
See Dick order a Scotch.
This will be the first of many for Dick tonight.
Dick is what we call an alcoholic.
See Jane order coffee.
Jane is addicted to caffeine (among other things- including sex, heroin, Prozac, and permanent markers).
See the waiter leave to go fill their order.
Bye Mr. Waiter!
See Dick and Jane make yet more idle conversation.
See Jane want to talk about the relationship.
Oh, no!
See Dick get nervous and panicky.
Shake, Dick, quiver!
See the drinks arrive.
Lucky Dick!
See Dick guzzle his Scotch in one gulp.
Swill, Dick, guzzle!
See the waiter take their dinner order.
See the waiter leave.
Bye Mr. Waiter!
See Dick and Jane engage in a deep, meaningful talk about their relationship.
Poor Dick.
Where is that food?
Jane wonders the same thing.
Wait wait wait.
See Dick and Jane wait for the waiter (how ironic).
Dick is bored.
Bored bored bored.
Jane is bored.
Bored bored bored.
So is the reader.
See the reader click the back button on his web browser.
Wait! It gets good and violent soon.
Bored bored bored.
Wait wait wait.
Dick eyes the complimentary book of matches.
Dick grabs the matches and heads to the bar.
Saunter, Dick, amble!
See Dick order a bottle of vodka.
See the bartender say he cannot give Dick the whole bottle.
See Dick threaten to remove the bartender's testicles with his keys if he can't have that bottle.
See the bartender hand Dick the bottle.
He's gonna regret that.
See Dick open the bottle and poor the vodka all over the bartender.
See Dick strike a match.
See the bartender realize that his next few minutes (also his last few minutes) on the Earth will be filled with horrble pain.
See the bartender ignite.
Burn, bartender, burn!
Hear the bartender scream like a little girl in his extreme agony.
Shriek, bartender, shriek!
See the bartender stagger towards the large quantity of liquor at the back of the bar.
Oh, shit.
See the explosions.
Hear the kaboom.
See Dick smile with sadistic glee.
Grin evilly, Dick, grin evilly!
But what is Jane up to?...
See Jane watch what Dick has been doing.
Jane has a lot of energy due to all the coffee she's drank.
Jane wants to have some fun of her own.
See the waiter approach.
See the silverwear.
Hear the waiter scream and yell at Jane about what Dick has done to the bar.
See the fork in Jane's hand.
See the fork in the waiter's neck.
Hear the waiter just plain scream.
See the blood gush like a red fountain from the waiter's throat.
Pretty- and colourful.
Hear the screams turn to gurgles.
Bye Mr. Waiter!
See that the restaurant is empty now, as the customers ran away at the first signs of blood and fire.
See Dick and Jane walk calmly to their car.
See them argue about who gets to drive.
See Jane say it's her car and she's more responsible.
See Dick say that since she has a uterus, her say ain't worth jack shit.
See Dick grin.
See Jane smack that grin right off his face.
See Dick frown.
See Dick pull a gun.
Where'd that come from?
None of your goddamn business.
See Dick pull the trigger.
Hear the hammer click on an empty chamber.
Don't hear a bang.
Gee, Dick, maybe you should've loaded the the gun.
See Jane pull a gun of her own.
See Jane pull the trigger.
Do hear a bang this time.
See a fine red mist where Dick's head used to be.
Jane didn't forget to load her gun.
See Jane drive off into the sunset.
Oops. Jane forgot to look both ways.
See Jane be blindsided by a tanker truck full of gasoline.
See the pretty mushroom cloud that can be seen for miles around.
Bye Dick.
Bye Jane.