Choose Your Own
Nuthouse
Section 79
<>(Craig)You get the feeling that if Mr. Hearse-Driving-Night-Suit-Wearing-Skeleton Man (who, from now on, you decide to mentally refer to as “Ted”) had eyebrows, he would be raising one at you.
“Just for shits and grins,” Ted says, “what would the name of this ‘nasty medical condition be?”
Shit…
“Ummm…..Crocinus Venter-itis,” you say.
“Riiiiiiiiggggghhhhhhhhttttt.”
“Well,
thanks anyway! I gotta be moseying along now! Talk to you later, Ted!” And with that, you run away as fast as your
legs will take you.
“Ted?” you hear Ted ask in confusion
as you flee into the night.
You decide that running through the
woods in a blind panic might not be the best idea, so you opt for
running along
the road in a blind panic. After what
feels like an hour of running, you slow down to try and take some sort
of
bearing.
“Who’s Ted?” asks Ted.
You spin around and realize that
you’ve made it approximately 200 feet.
You really need to get into better shape.
“Umm…well, you see…”
“If you don’t want a ride, that’s no
skin off my nose (get it?!?!? HA! I’m
so sorry). Just say
so and walk your ass
all the way to Beautiful Lake Doomhole™.”
“Thanks, anyway,” you mumble.
“Christ, you meet the weirdest
people on this road…” you hear Ted say as he gets into the hearse and
drives
off.
Well, back to where you started…sort
of.
Once again you begin to walk to Lake
Doomhole. Being the excellent physical
specimen that you are, the remainder of the 5 miles to Lake Doomhole
takes you
about 7 and a half hours
When you finally arrive you search
the camp grounds for your friends. You
neither see nor hear any evidence of them.
“Where the fuck could they be?” you
mutter angrily. The more you search the
more pissed you get. Where are they,
goddamnit? They aren’t in the cabins. They aren’t at the Lake. They
aren’t building a giant bon-fire in the
woods. They aren’t over there helping
Ted load those obviously full body bags with your friends’ names on
them into
his hearse. Wait…
Awwww damnit.
“Oh Hey!” yells Ted. “You must be
the missing one! Man, you could have saved
me some time and
trouble if you had just told me your name earlier!
You may have turned down a ride then, but now, I’m afraid, you
don’t have choice.”
Ted pulls a flaming skull out from
somewhere underneath his suit jacket.
You idly wonder if the flaming skull and Ted are related.
“PLEASE DON’T KILL ME, TED!” you
shriek in a voice that is a lot more womanly than you’d like.
“Again with the ‘Ted’…Anyway, relax,
I’m not going to kill you,” he says then hurls the flaming skull at you. Ted’s liar, you think.
The flaming skull hits you in the
chest and the flames surround your body.
You watch in horror as flesh and muscle peels from your body. You’d scream, but it kinda tickles in that
good way.
When the flames die down you realize
you are alive…sort of. No longer a
human, you look just like Ted, only with a red suit.
“Alright, apprentice, help me with
these bodies.”
You gleefully help him and begin
life anew as Ted’s apprentice.
Well, dear reader, you’ve reached an
end. Surprisingly, this isn’t a
horrific death type end. Neither is it
the final end. The End is along a
different path, so you must go back.
Oh, and bonus points for whoever
gets the “Crocinus Venter-itis” thing.