Choose Your Own
Nuthouse
Section 69
(Craig)
Well, good thing you aren’t one for overreacting…
“Gary! There is only one solution to the ‘Harlan Problem’!” you shout into your phone.
“You don’t mean…”
“Yes I do.”
“Plan Omega,” you both say simultaneously. You hang up on Gary and turn your car around.
Plan Omega was originally an inside joke amongst your friends about Harlan. Since Harlan was always around and being Harlan, you once suggested that the only way to get away from him for good was to go underground in Mexico living off of handouts and occasionally robbing tourists in sunny, beach-filled locations. The more Harlan was around, the more Plan Omega became less of a joke.
You put the pedal to the metal and push your car as fast as it will go on the winding road.
“So…fleeing to Mexico, huh?” asks the voice on the radio.
Oh yeah…you’d forgotten about that…
“Too obvious?”
“For Harlan? Oh yeah…”
“Damn.”
“Any suggestions?” Now, normally, you aren’t one for asking assistance from creepy voices talking to you through your radio, but tonight just seems like a gosh golly good time to try something new.
“Swerve,” says the voice.
“Wha…?”
You glance up in time to see Harlan standing in the road in front of you. You hit the brakes and yank the steering wheel to the left. The car skids off the road, but lucky for you, it avoids wrapping itself around any trees.
You throw the car into reverse, get back on the road, and slam on the gas. Since Harlan is standing in the road leading away from Beautiful Lake Doomhole™, you turn back onto your original course.
“Ok…new plan: Haul ass to Beautiful Lake Doomhole™, meet up with Gary and the gang, come up with Plan Omega Version 2.0…”
You drive in ways your parents would never approve and make it to the lake. You take the path towards the cabins and breathe a sigh of relief as you see your friends’ cars still there.
You skid into a parking spot, jump out of your car, and realize you not only forgot to turn your car off, your forgot to take it out of drive. Your car drives itself forward into the large propane tank which was intended to provide gas to the stove in the cabin. Now, it is providing gas to the fire that started when your car slammed into it. Of course, that fire flared back.
“This can’t be good…” you hear your radio say right before the explosion.
You are thrown about fifty feet backwards onto the gravel walkway…that’s gonna leave a mark.
You watch as the explosion causes other the other cabins’ giant propane tanks to explode, incinerating your friends.
“My bad…” you mutter.
You bring yourself to your feet as you watch the cabins burn. Fire’s fire, y’know?
You hear something behind you and turn around to see Harlan.
“AHHHHHH!” your scream.
“Waffle-hose,” says Harlan.
“This is all your fault!” you scream at him. You really like to scream at this point in your life.
“Ratchet-monkey!”