Choose Your Own Nuthouse

Section 39


            So, there’s a car coming your way at a completely and utterly unsafe speed, and you’ve chosen to stand your ground, come what may… dumbass. As you stand there, the car looms larger and larger as it gets closer to you. You’d be afraid, were you not aware this is how optics work. You know that the reason the car is seeming to get bigger is simply because it’s getting very very close to you at an… Incredibly. High. Rate. Of. Speed.

            ohfuck”, you softly say to yourself shortly before the steel of the car impacts the mostly water-filled sack that is your body and sends it flying into a muck-filled ditch alongside of the road.

            You lie there in the muck, trying not to think about how you may never walk again, or drive a car again, or talk without having people interpreting what your blinks mean.

            Lying there, pondering your eventual fate, you hear the sound of approaching footsteps. What appears to be a very curvaceous female form is silhouetted by the headlights and standing at the edge of the ditch.

            “Oh, my god!” the apparently female person says in awe. “He’s still alive!” She leans down into the ditch and yells at you- “Hey, are you ok?”

    Do you respond with:

    “Yes, of course. I never needed these legs, anyhow.” – 84

    “Get me an ambulance, you dumb twat!” – 85

    “I fear I may be dying. Might I get one quick hummer before passing?” – 86