Choose Your Own Nuthouse
“Cloudhole? Monkey? God he is creepy,” You say to your self as you sit on the side of the road with the old Oreo’s in your lap. Just chomping down on the first two makes your stomach remember that you haven’t eaten in three and half days. Nothing really out of the ordinary for you, I mean you work with food for 8 to 12 hours a day, it doesn’t really make you all that hungry when you see it.
You pile you clothes a few feet in front of you and soak them in a healthy amount of lighter fluid. Tossing matches at them until they light amuses you a lot; I mean its fire, right? What is more fun? Really? Leaning against the bumper in the fading light you watch your clothes burn, snacking on the Oreo’s (which are still good by the way... kickass!) a car driving up from the south notices the fire and pulls over to see if you are ok.
“Hey dude. Are you alright?”
“Oh yeah, just watchin’ the fire and chillin’ for a few minutes”
You sit and chat with the guy you find out that is name is David and overall he is a pretty cool guy, but while this is happening neither one of you notice that the warm summer breeze that is gently blowing has blown some still flaming fragments of your clothes under David’s car and is now growing into a small fire as oil drips on to it. You find out that David is on his way to Lake Doomhole as well when the fire erupts from under his car and moves quickly to the gas tank. You try to warn him but the tank blows as you shout and David is thrown screaming 8 feet into the air and into an oncoming semi truck hauling circus animals to a zoo in Nebraska. The truck slams into the car at 65 mph and sends David’s burning body into the cab of the semi. The driver screams as he swerves out of control, barely missing you and your car. The now flaming semi falls onto its side from the force of the turn and spins twice on the road coming to a stop behind an exist sign.
“Oh… Shit…” you say to yourself as the truck driver climbs out of the flaming wreckage. Looking to see if the driver is really a live you see the animals, now freed from their prison running to safety, a monkey runs in front of the driver as the cab explodes. The driver is thrown into the exit ramp sign along with the monkey and all three come sailing at you with a flaming vengeance. You dive out of the way as all three hit your car. Astounded that you are still alive you look back and see the sign fall over relieving the name “Cloudhole Indian Reservation”. You look again and remember the warning you got just minutes before, monkey, cloudhole.
“Wow. Harlan was right. I need to thank him”
“Do you know how long that took! I mean really?”
You spin around and see death standing there. “Excuse me?”
“Yeah. I set that up so you could die in a really really cool way and you fuck it up! The least you could have done was realize that it was your time to go and just stayed put.”
“What?!?” you say staring blankly at Death “Wait does this mean I get to live”
“Ooooooohhhh No. I did that once and it took forever to clean up. Geez let a couple of kids get off a plane and all hell breaks lose. I had the boss yelling at me cause it was their time, it was stressing me out, it was affecting my relationship with my girlfriend. ‘Are you going to kill them? They were supposed to die. They can’t stay on earth. Are you going to let a couple of kids beat you?’ On and on she went. No sir; not going thought that again.”
“Do I at least get another cool death?”
“No. You will probably just move again and we will be back here… again.”
Just then Death touches your shoulder and you fall lifeless to the ground, on the plus side the Oreo’s made a great last meal.