Because you are a fool, you decide to go check out the Pit of Insufferable Misery. Really, how bad could it be? Sure, there are mysterious satanic voices that know your name telling you about it via your car stereo, but is that really so odd?
You pause at the turnoff. For the first time, you are slightly hesitant. You reach for a beer, pop it open, and pour a third of it down your throat. The voices continue to urge you on. They seem to really want your company at this Misery place. You down another third of the beer, light a ciggy, and toss back the last of the cheapo swill. Your courage bolstered, you floor the accelerator and send gravel flying as you fishtail down the road towards the Pit of Insufferable Misery. The voices tell you that you’ve made the right choice. Really. And you won’t regret this. “We’re really very grateful,” they say. You pop another beer to keep the first one company. As you are chugging it, you arrive at (or, more accurately, you drive through) a great wooden gate. You come to a screeching halt, and then back up through the rubble. You get out of the car to investigate. On the ground you find a sign:
This is good, you think. You are on the right track. Then, you see another sign:
Since these kinds of signs are posted anywhere where there is the slightest amount of fun to be hand, you are only encouraged to continue to the Pit. In the car, you can hear the radio voices quietly humming to themselves. You notice another sign:
IF YOU WANT YOUR INTERNAL ORGANS TO STAY THAT WAY, FLEE!
And yet another:
Being the twit that you are, you are only further encouraged to continue. You get back into the car and head down the path, tossing back another beer as you do so.
abruptly, you arrive at the Pit of Insufferable Misery.
It is, indeed, a pit. Mysterious
fog is billowing out of the trees
surrounding the clearing in the forest, in the center of which is the
Pit. The Pit is surrounded by a fence,
in turn covered with frantically painted signs, all of which are
warning you to
run away. “Cool,” you say, and drink
another beer. You wonder what to do
now. As you sit, you begin to notice
small, quick shapes leaping about in the fog.
They make strange noises. You’d
be creeped out if you weren’t so drunk.
The voices have fallen silent.
You wonder if you should just sit in the car, or get out and
the Pit of Insufferable Misery. Or, and
this sounds like fun, you could drive around at breakneck speeds trying
over the fog-obscured, unidentified weird little creatures that are
around in the mysterious fog.